I promised myself that I would never ever post a blog about working out but this issue is all too relevant in my life right now so I must.
I really want abs.
You would think this isn’t too much to ask, right? WRONG.
So the other day I was inspired at the gym (you should all know that I hate the gym and would prefer to run but I have a stress fracture that has completely ruined my entire life sending me into a spiraling depression), I had done the stupid upright bike thing and decided to do the endless stairs-escalator-thingy (might be called a Stairmaster). It was the hardest and most treacherous thing I have ever done. I was on it for like at least two hours- oh no sorry, two minutes, and all I wanted to do was stop so I could cry for a sec. BUT NOOOOO all those b****** on the treadmill side-eyeing each other would’ve judged me and then probably Tweeted about that fatty they saw at the gym (ME).
ANWAY. I did about 15 minutes of the stair thingy. When I got off, I saw the mats on the floor nearby beckoning me like a temptress whore and literally collapsed onto them. BUT OF COURSE I had to make it look like I was doing something as to not draw negative attention to myself. I did some crunches, planks, a few Russian twists, and then I went home feeling pretty fit and sexy.
When I got home I took my shirt off and stood in front of the mirror to see my progress. Much to my surprise, there was not a single ab (I should mention that I was a swimmer for like 15 years and even then never had abs so I’m not sure what I was thinking). I was determined to make these abs happen somehow though, so I Googled “how to get abs” and found out it was more about how you eat not how many crunches you do.
I couldn’t think of one single situation where I would need abs more than I would need a cheeseburger. My hopes and dreams about getting abs lasted about an hour so and now I am writing this to you while eating a burrito bowl, muffin top hanging over my Lululemon “work-out pants”.