Carol's Thoughts

Black Friday

Ugh I haven’t posted in so long I am so sorry. I’ve just been like really busy, ya know? I wish I could say that I have been busy with school but I have an exam in two hours and I’m writing this sooo no. Actually come to think of it, I am not really that busy at all, just very lazy. I guess these blog posts come when I am in a Netflix lull and need something else to occupy my time.

Anyway…. I work in retail and I think it is absolutely ridiculous that Black Friday starts on Thanksgiving Day now. Hello sad shoppers with no family, THANKSGIVING IS A HOLIDAY. I think it’s wrong to make people work. We should be celebrating that one time where all the Indians and Pilgrims got together and there was a big party and then everyone got Yellow Fever or something I don’t know (I guess I didn’t really pay attention is elementary social studies). All I know is I just want to wear my loosest pants, eat until my heart physically cannot take it anymore, and not worry about having to go to work.

I also just recently started working in retail and I have never even step foot into a store on Black Friday. I am not sure what to expect but I have an idea of what it might be like:

It is 5:58pm on a cold Thanksgiving night, an angry group of housewives press their noses against the cold glass that looks into the display case. This isn’t because they are trying to see inside however, they are being shoved forward by the thousands of other angry women behind them. One of the ladies near the front of the crowd starts to get agitated and mutters something angry and quite frankly a little racist. This angers another mom a few feet away, who proceeds to pull a machete out of her Vera Bradley Tote Bag and chop her head off. It is now 5:59 and the crowd is getting more impatient (no one seems to notice that a woman just got her head chopped off). Another woman picks up her toddler, prepared to throw him through the window and shatter the glass to break into the store. The clock ticks 6pm, the manager unlocks the door, and gets trampled. I take my place at the cash register trying keep my pace fast enough to please the impatient shoppers. The register won’t keep up with my speed and bursts into flames. The entire store catches on fire.

This is how I imagine Black Friday shopping goes down.

Okay maybe it isn’t THAT dramatic but there is probably at least a 65% chance of me getting seriously hospitalized during my Black Friday shift. So if you’re sitting down by the fire relaxing after your large Thanksgiving feast, keep me in your prayers. If you’re going shopping on Black Friday well then… I wish you the best of luck. Oh also please don’t come into my store.

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