Carol's Thoughts

Birds

I never really minded birds before. They’re small and cute and usually mind their own business (except geese, geese are assholes) (oh and in Cancun this tropical bird pooed all over me so I didn’t like that bird either).

Anyway, it’s only been recently that I have had a growing disdain for birds.

There is a tree outside my bedroom window and every morning around 5:30 this bird chirps its merry tune. EVERY DAMN MORNING. And it is so loud it’s like it’s mocking me or something. I am usually awoken by this bird at least thrice a week and once I am awake and notice it there is no chance of resting peacefully.

Take this morning for example. A lovely Saturday morning, I didn’t even have an alarm set! It was 6:02 when my eyes jerked awake due to the relentless peeping going on just a few feet away from my bed. I was frothing with intense rage. I smacked the window with great force thinking I could possibly frighten the bird, this only seemed to spur him on. I got up to go to the restroom and have a very forceful hate-filled pee and then proceeded back to my room. I laid back down and put 2 pillows and 80 blankets on top of my head to try to block the sound but nothing helped, and it was very hot under there.

After lots of tossing and turning I started to relax. Thoughts of all the different ways I could kill this bird filled my head my head with peace and I eventually slipped back into my slumber.

Me when I hear that bird ^

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