Most people know that I have an insane shopping addiction. I would say mostly online shopping because I would rather pay $5.99 for shipping than actually go to the store. And half the stuff that I buy ends up getting returned because I’m usually too tall so I have to go to the store anyway. Now wouldn’t you say “Carolyn, why don’t you just go to the store and try stuff on first and not have to pay for shipping at all?” and to that I would tell you to mind your own god damn business.
In my relatively new job, I am making a pretty healthy chunk of money. Not a ludicrous amount of money but enough money that I don’t know what to do with myself. I am also still living at home so the only big things I actually have to pay for right now are occasional groceries, toys for my cat (a necessity), and student loans (ugh).
This leaves me with a lot of extra cash. Now perhaps I should probably save most of it because eventually I will have to move out and also buy a car that is not a 2002 white Mercury Sable (because I am not an 80 year old woman, despite people calling me Carol- no offense grandma)?
So I try to put a lot of every paycheck into my savings and never touch it. But what the hell else am I supposed to when J.Crew gets their new arrivals in on the same day I get paid? That’s fate for sure, I mean everything happens for a reason. Or Kate Spade has a surprise sale? Am I NOT supposed to buy the $179 lemon wedge 14k gold necklace when it gets marked down all the way to only $30? I think people go to hell for things like that.
Or when I am scrolling through a DIY Buzzfeed article that’s titled something like “147 super cute craft ideas that are ACTAULLY adorable that you HAVE to do RIGHT NOW” and find the cutest little crotchet cactus. So then I must click on the link that takes me to Etsy, where you can buy the kit to crotchet a cactus and it comes with an adorable little pot to put it in for only $22. Long story short I ended buying the damn crotchet cactus, I don’t know how to crotchet and also I ordered it from Israel, like I don’t even know where Israel is. Not my finest moment.
I also can’t stop buying workout clothes. I definitely have enough to where I could probably wear a completely different outfit each day for like three weeks straight. I can’t wear them to work or when I go out so they serve a very minor purpose. But again, if I see something great in the sale section on Lululemon’s website it’s definitely going to show up on my porch in 6-8 business days whether I like it or not (but of course I like, otherwise I wouldn’t buy it).
Time is passing by quickly, to the day where I will need to buy myself a car. Once that day arrives my life will change forever as I sink into a money-saving, responsible, hollow shell of woman. Will I feel better when I am sitting on the leather seat in my brand new car? Probably.
Also, God gave us credit cards so we could just buy everything even when we don’t have any money, right? I think I am going to need to open a couple more credit cards soon… (MOM I AM TOTALLY JOKING PLEASE DON’T LECTURE ME ABOUT THIS. I ONLY HAVE ONE CREDIT CARD. I DON’T EVEN LIKE TO CARRY A BALANCE. PLEASE. ALSO THE J.CREW PACKAGE THAT WILL PROBABLY BE ON THE PORCH WHEN YOU GET HOME IS… A GIFT… FOR SOMEONE ELSE… NOT A SHIRT FOR ME…)