So I should first start off by stating this isn’t really a luxury hotel. It’s on par with a Hampton Inn or such, but a little cuter.
But to a peasant like me, this shit is luxury.
Let me tell you about my luxury life the past 3 days.
So I am in Research Triangle Park in North Carolina for an EPA meeting (I am v important). Research Triangle Park is the point between Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill. North Carolina touches an ocean so I should actually consider this hotel a luxury tropical resort.
I have never stayed ALONE at a hotel before which is just adding to the luxury! My room has a king size bed in it! So basically I’m living like a king (haha). My bed at home is just a full size! What am I a peasant? I may as well be sleeping on a bale of hay in a barn alongside a pig troth. Now that I have tasted the sweet, sweet decadence of a KING size bed, I don’t know if I can ever go back to my full. Not to mention the fact that my cat isn’t here with me (as much as I wish she were) so I don’t have 15 pounds of fat kneading my stomach like its pizza dough or bonking my hand with her head when I don’t pet her or purring in my ear or sleeping right next to my head so I wake up with fur stuck to my lips (I do miss her though ugh).
Each night I lay right in the center of the king bed and spread out like a starfish just because I can. Even completely spread out, none of my body parts hang over the side of the bed for the monsters to get!! Let’s just say I have been sleeping like a god damn angel the past few nights.
The next thing I need to tell you about.
Now, now I know what you’re thinking, “wow Carolyn is such a big peasant that she thinks a Hampton Inn is luxury, how on earth can she afford room service?????”
Well to answer your question, I cannot afford room service. BUT THIS CHICK GETS PER DIEM Y’ALLLLLLLL. I can eat whatever my mouth desires (as long as it’s under $75 a day) so you bet your SWEET ASS I have been hittin’ that up.
The first night I had mac n’ cheese but it was made with GOUDA (probably the cheese Bill Gates eats) and it had DARK CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS ON TOP. So basically I was eating GOLD. Then this morning, after I had a lovely workout in their luxury gym (two treadmills and an elliptical), I fancied a Belgian waffle, so I rang my little bell and the servant brought me a very HIGH CLASS waffle (whipped cream AND fruit). And as I sit here writing this, I have just finished a meal of steak, mashed potatoes, and broccolini (yeah, rich person broccoli) with a dessert of chocolate lava cake in MY PAJAMAS, IN BED, WHILE WATCHING SOUTH PARK (I don’t know why that part is exciting because I basically eat dinner every night in my PJs in front of the TV but there is just something special about eating it in a KING bed).
So anyway, I am going to lay back on my 90 pillows and relax, while drinking ice water from a WINE GLASS. Hope you peasants enjoy your nights.
**DISCLAIMER: I don’t really think any of you are peasants, I promise.